The Hazards of Time Apart

by Megan Taylor Stephens

The Hubs chooses to have a career where he leaves me to my own devices for short and long stints. I would say it’s a pretty big hazard of his job. I think he would agree. Here are some actual convos.

***

The Hubs: What is this monstrosity of an ottoman in the living room?

Me: It’s called a pouf. It’s Bohemian. And I got it for free on FB Buy Nothing.

The Hubs: Can you get rid of it for free?

Me: [gives him stink eye]

***

The Hubs: Why is there a kiddie pool in our back yard?

Me: It’s drinking water for both domesticated and wild animals.

The Hubs: Yes, I’ve noticed that you’ve littered the yard with tubs of water.

Me: We’re in a heatwave. And I am a friend to the animals. I made a crow friend. She’s really smart. She dips pieces of bread into the container of water to soften them before eating them.

The Hubs: They’re very smart – wait, where is the bread coming from?

Me: I scatter pieces of stale bread in our yard for the animals, too.

The Hubs: Oh, Lord.

***

The Hubs: What happened to my chest of drawers?

Me: About that… Your daughter needed a bigger one so she switched out yours for hers.

The Hubs: Hers is too wide and doesn’t fit in my closet. Except sidewise. Which means I can’t fit in my closet.

Me: I know. So I found a shelf where you can put your extra clothes.

The Hubs: I don’t think a shelf is what I need for clothes.

Me: You have a lot of clothes. Have you considered the joy of minimizing?

***

Me: Don’t you love my new plant display stand?

The Hubs: No. No, I don’t love your new plant display stand.

Me: Well that’s unfortunate because I got a second one that I’m about to assemble.

The Hubs: Weren’t we just discussing minimalism?

Me: This is a quality item; it doesn’t count.

Isn’t it pretty?

One thought on “The Hazards of Time Apart

  1. This is your success in marriage…
    Your ability to use JJ’s absences a a bargaining tool… of course he is seeing minimalism lived on the other side of the world… when not in a big city…
    Meg I expect to see you running for office soon…

    Liked by 1 person

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